Chip Van

One of the perennial problems as a dog owner, is what to do with your beloved pet when you go on holiday.  You could, like one of my friends, put him on a plane and take him with you – but that often costs more than your own flight ticket, necessitates endless waiting around at both airports and continuous form filling.  You could put him in a kennels.  Or you could, as I did, get someone to look after him.

This is a responsibility.  A family I know received a call on holiday and there was a somber voice on the other end of the phone.  ‘We’ve got sad news…the goldfish has died…’  This was not as devastating as the caller had anticipated, as frankly the family were surprised that the fish had lived so long in the first place, and in fairness it is possible that this was because previous carers had simply substituted the deceased with a perkier version…  However, this is not possible with a dog, and therefore the owner has to undergo processes that are akin to assessing a new school for the kids.

I was lucky enough on the third or fourth go to find a lovely, lively and loud lady who lived locally to me and did this kind of thing for a living.  She came to meet Muttley, and pronounced him fit to stay.  She handled her toddlers and her Rottweilers with equal aplomb, and as I surveyed the chaos of my life, I thought that Muttley could probably do with a bit of R & R too.  So I filled in endless forms, was he vaccinated, yes, neutered, no, microchipped, not yet, and so on.

We had a lovely holiday, and through the magic of Facebook we saw what Muttley had been up to.  He had had a holiday romance with a large German Shepherd, had been on countless walks, and had put himself to bed, exhausted, every night.  When we came back, he was delighted to see us, but then went to jump back in the carers car…

She told us of a dog show locally that was taking place for charity in a couple of weeks time, and at which there would be a free microchipping service for any dogs that turned up.  Never one to miss an opportunity to save some money, but aware that I would be spending considerably more at the show thanks to the pester power of the kids and Muttley – the day dawned and I asked G if he wanted to come with me. Now G is very amenable, but one thing he absolutely detests is needles – indeed, at 5 years old he had to be held down by 6 doctors in order to have an abscess in his gum lanced.  So he muttered about doing something in the garden, and instantly disappeared.

 Little Man was enchanted by a stall that offered a doggie drinking fountain, and insisted that we filled in a form to try and win one.  We bought some interesting doggie snacks at another, out of guilt after Muttley had snaffled some of the free samples.  Hundreds of dogs of all shapes and sizes yapped and yowled, barked and sniffed at one another.  Owners greeted one another with a raise of the eyebrows and a tug on the leads. We watched with interest as the doggie agility show commenced, Muttley’s ears cocked as he recognized one of his walking buddies leaping over the fences and running through tunnels with glee.

But this was all of course, leading up to one thing.  We walked over to the Vet Van, where an efficient lady looked Muttley up and down and then proceeded to run a barcode scanner over him.  Muttley looked vaguely interested.  She then gave him a whole handful of treats which he snuffled at in the grass, and jabbed him with a needle on the soft fold of skin above his haunches. Uttering a howl of dismay, Muttley launched himself away from the Vet Van, the vet still clinging to him, and with me on the end of the lead.

Picking herself up, she brushed herself down and announced to the forlorn dog, ‘You’re the first Screamer I’ve had today.  We’ve had all sorts, even a Chihuahua puppy – and none of them made such a fuss…’  Nevertheless she gave him a pat, and a little medal to wear.  Little Man looked concerned, and asked if his dog was hurting.  She showed him the needle.  It was enormous. 

I raised my eyes to heaven.  Thank God G hadn’t come.  She hadn’t seen a real Screamer…